Who knows what starts or causes depression. I think it can be different for everyone. I can't remember a time that I did not feel emotionless or hopeless, at least to some extent. Sometimes, I do feel very sad as well, but depression is not always about being sad.
I have been finding interesting articles and opinions on the subject. I think they have helped me to understand better than the doctors did! All they wanted me to do was take pills and try to live stress free. Well, good luck on that. I don't know a single person who doesn't have stress! Life is stressful!
What I became interested in is what processes your brain goes through when you are feeling hopeless, or sad, or dwelling on bad thoughts. It seems it is agreed that this causes a very bad downward spiral that is not so easy to get out of.
I very much liked this article. http://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a112.htm
Also, as much as I hate to admit it, I probably make myself worse my suppressing happiness. After years of feeling the way I do, I tend to be astounded if I have a time where I laugh easily. I almost feel guilty as if I am cheating on myself. That sounds ridiculous, even to me, but there it is.
I am going to try to surround myself with more positive people and situations. I tend to spend all of my time off in my room alone. I feel frantic to make sure I rest and relax as much as I can before I have to go back to work as I am always exhausted. What I am finding is that my life is just sliding away and I am wasting it.
So, I am going to attempt to get involved in my life more, and I am going to find things that make me smile and do more of that! Even if depression is an illness you are born with and you have the chemical imbalances, I think you can help adjust them by doing things you enjoy.
I will post my progress.
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