Depression, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and insomnia are best buddies. One does not go anyplace without the other! I don't want to break up a good team, but come on! Having one of these is enough for anyone, but all three? That is really too much!
I have tried every over-the-counter medication and tried a few home remedies that I have found online. A lot of the medications don't actually help at all with the sleeping, but they sure give me nightmares when I do sleep! Um, thanks but no thanks.
So far, the best thing for me is to go to bed at least 30 minutes before I would like to be asleep, and read. I get very drowsy when I read at any time of day. It kind of sucks sometimes, because I love to read. I will be looking forward to a good book, but can only read about 15 minutes here and there or I will fall asleep.
This is good as it helps me go to sleep. The sucky part is that I only sleep three to six hours and then I am awake, and there is no going back to sleep. I spend the rest of the night just being still and keeping my eyes closed, just in case I do fall back to sleep. I go through most of my days feeling groggy and my eyes hurt. It causes headaches as well.
I am thinking to ask the doctor for a real sleep aid. I don't want to take chemicals, but I have a busy job and it is taking its toll on me! I am 58 years old, and I need all the help I can get with my energy level!
If you know of a routine or herbal remedy that works for you, please share it with me.
Thanks for reading!
Showing posts with label Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 7, 2015
Sunday, October 4, 2015
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (part 2)
Trying to put words to what goes on inside my brain is a lot harder than I thought it would be! I want to explain what it is like when I can't get things just right.
One of my most vivid memories of this is when I was in middle school. One morning nothing was fitting into place and I just couldn't get it to feel right. I kept turning my bedroom light off and on, trying to get it to feel right. My mom hollered at me to stop it, so I did. It ruined my entire day. I went through the day in a fog of fear. All I could think about was that dang light and how leaving it the way I did was going to cause great harm. I just knew I would go home and something terrible had happened. And it would be all my fault.
This is how I felt when I couldn't get things to feel right. I had to keep doing things until it felt right, there is really no other way to say it. If I couldn't accomplish that, I had a terrible feeling of doom and guilt. Is that a rational thought? Of course not, but OCD is not rational.
Even now, all these years later, when I have a lot of knowledge about what is going on with me, I still fight off that anxiety at times. If I can't close the bread wrapper just right, or close a jar just right, it leaves me feeling fearful. I still can't leave anything upside down, or that is all I think about for a while. I still get so frustrated at times when I can't make something work right, if I can't make it FEEL right. Thankfully, now that I have an understanding about what OCD is and does, I can combat those horrible feelings and win most of the time. But, as a child, it was torture. I never told my parents or anyone else about it. I don't think I even thought it was something to talk about. I had no idea that the thoughts I had were any different than anyone else's thoughts. It was just how life was.
I had no idea what was going on with me until my son was diagnosed with OCD. He had a very rough time of it and had panic attacks. He went from being a straight A student, to failing every subject. I took him to several doctors trying to find out what was going on. He had every test under the sun, and we did find out he has a heart murmur. But, it took several doctors and a couple of years of trying before we found someone who could put a name to it. After talking to the doctor and learning more about OCD, it all clicked in my head. I had a name for all that went on in my mind! It was actually a relief. That saying, "knowledge is power" is very true. It gives you strength to fight off the bad thoughts.
Medication has helped my son a great deal. He still struggles, but he can function in life now. I never took medication. I found ways to cope without it and most of the time I can get through a day with minimal anxiety. I'm sure the terrible depression and OCD are tied together somehow, and maybe I should pursue this and see a doctor and try medications, but I really don't want to! They are expensive and I would rather my son get his medications.
If you have thoughts that are not rational, and fears that make no sense to you, don't dispair! There are real reasons for it, and you can get help for it. If you can, talk to a doctor and be as honest as you can be. If the thoughts and anxiety are controlling you and affecting your life, you need to act on it. You are stronger than you think, and you can get control.
One of my most vivid memories of this is when I was in middle school. One morning nothing was fitting into place and I just couldn't get it to feel right. I kept turning my bedroom light off and on, trying to get it to feel right. My mom hollered at me to stop it, so I did. It ruined my entire day. I went through the day in a fog of fear. All I could think about was that dang light and how leaving it the way I did was going to cause great harm. I just knew I would go home and something terrible had happened. And it would be all my fault.
This is how I felt when I couldn't get things to feel right. I had to keep doing things until it felt right, there is really no other way to say it. If I couldn't accomplish that, I had a terrible feeling of doom and guilt. Is that a rational thought? Of course not, but OCD is not rational.
Even now, all these years later, when I have a lot of knowledge about what is going on with me, I still fight off that anxiety at times. If I can't close the bread wrapper just right, or close a jar just right, it leaves me feeling fearful. I still can't leave anything upside down, or that is all I think about for a while. I still get so frustrated at times when I can't make something work right, if I can't make it FEEL right. Thankfully, now that I have an understanding about what OCD is and does, I can combat those horrible feelings and win most of the time. But, as a child, it was torture. I never told my parents or anyone else about it. I don't think I even thought it was something to talk about. I had no idea that the thoughts I had were any different than anyone else's thoughts. It was just how life was.
I had no idea what was going on with me until my son was diagnosed with OCD. He had a very rough time of it and had panic attacks. He went from being a straight A student, to failing every subject. I took him to several doctors trying to find out what was going on. He had every test under the sun, and we did find out he has a heart murmur. But, it took several doctors and a couple of years of trying before we found someone who could put a name to it. After talking to the doctor and learning more about OCD, it all clicked in my head. I had a name for all that went on in my mind! It was actually a relief. That saying, "knowledge is power" is very true. It gives you strength to fight off the bad thoughts.
Medication has helped my son a great deal. He still struggles, but he can function in life now. I never took medication. I found ways to cope without it and most of the time I can get through a day with minimal anxiety. I'm sure the terrible depression and OCD are tied together somehow, and maybe I should pursue this and see a doctor and try medications, but I really don't want to! They are expensive and I would rather my son get his medications.
If you have thoughts that are not rational, and fears that make no sense to you, don't dispair! There are real reasons for it, and you can get help for it. If you can, talk to a doctor and be as honest as you can be. If the thoughts and anxiety are controlling you and affecting your life, you need to act on it. You are stronger than you think, and you can get control.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (part 1)
I don't know if you know what OCD is, or what it does. There are many forms and it can affect different people in different ways. When I was a child, things like this were not well known like they are now. I had no idea why I did the things I did, or thought the horrible thoughts I had. I know I irritated my mom and she didn't have a clue what was going on.
When I try to think back and remember when it started, I can't. I think it was always there. I would have to do things in even numbers, and the target number was four. Some examples would be...turning a light on and off four times, open and close a drawer four times, tying each of my shoes twice so it would equal four. You get the picture. The simple act of making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich was very stressful. When I open a jar I still get stressed. In order to close the jar, I not only have to do it four times, but I have to make sure there is air in the jar. I have to kind of swoosh air into the jar and quickly slam on the lid. If it doesn't feel right, if I don't think there is enough air in the jar, I have to start over. Sometimes, I am reduced to tears because I can't get it right! I also still have issues with anything being upside down. When shopping for food, you will find me in the canned goods aisle fixing the cans that are not right. My daughter will gently pull me away and I snap out of it.
Basically, if I could do things an even number, preferably four times, all was well. My parents would holler at me when they saw lights going off and on, or drawers being slammed over and over. It's not their fault. They had no clue and neither did I! I know my mom was irritated when it took me forever to do simple chores, such as dishes or sweeping and she would sometimes just tell me to go and she would finish. It takes a while to wash dishes when you have to do each one four times.
Well, that hits the highlights of what it is like for me. There is really so much more to it, but this is as much as I can easily explain in words. The next post will be about the consequences of not doing things in even numbers. You see, when the routine gets interrupted, there is a price to pay. It wreaks all kinds of havoc. I will gather my thoughts and try to explain next post.
Thanks for reading.
When I try to think back and remember when it started, I can't. I think it was always there. I would have to do things in even numbers, and the target number was four. Some examples would be...turning a light on and off four times, open and close a drawer four times, tying each of my shoes twice so it would equal four. You get the picture. The simple act of making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich was very stressful. When I open a jar I still get stressed. In order to close the jar, I not only have to do it four times, but I have to make sure there is air in the jar. I have to kind of swoosh air into the jar and quickly slam on the lid. If it doesn't feel right, if I don't think there is enough air in the jar, I have to start over. Sometimes, I am reduced to tears because I can't get it right! I also still have issues with anything being upside down. When shopping for food, you will find me in the canned goods aisle fixing the cans that are not right. My daughter will gently pull me away and I snap out of it.
Basically, if I could do things an even number, preferably four times, all was well. My parents would holler at me when they saw lights going off and on, or drawers being slammed over and over. It's not their fault. They had no clue and neither did I! I know my mom was irritated when it took me forever to do simple chores, such as dishes or sweeping and she would sometimes just tell me to go and she would finish. It takes a while to wash dishes when you have to do each one four times.
Well, that hits the highlights of what it is like for me. There is really so much more to it, but this is as much as I can easily explain in words. The next post will be about the consequences of not doing things in even numbers. You see, when the routine gets interrupted, there is a price to pay. It wreaks all kinds of havoc. I will gather my thoughts and try to explain next post.
Thanks for reading.
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