Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (part 1)

I don't know if you know what OCD is, or what it does.  There are many forms and it can affect different people in different ways.  When I was a child, things like this were not well known like they are now.  I had no idea why I did the things I did, or thought the horrible thoughts I had.  I know I irritated my mom and she didn't have a clue what was going on.  

When I try to think back and remember when it started, I can't.  I think it was always there.  I would have to do things in even numbers, and the target number was four.  Some examples would be...turning a light on and off four times, open and close a drawer four times, tying each of my shoes twice so it would equal four.  You get the picture.  The simple act of making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich was very stressful.  When I open a jar I still get stressed.  In order to close the jar, I not only have to do it four times, but I have to make sure there is air in the jar.  I have to kind of swoosh air into the jar and quickly slam on the lid.  If it doesn't feel right, if I don't think there is enough air in the jar, I have to start over. Sometimes, I am reduced to tears because I can't get it right!  I also still have issues with anything being upside down.  When shopping for food, you will find me in the canned goods aisle fixing the cans that are not right.  My daughter will gently pull me away and I snap out of it.  

Basically, if I could do things an even number, preferably four times, all was well.  My parents would holler at me when they saw lights going off and on, or drawers being slammed over and over.  It's not their fault.  They had no clue and neither did I!  I know my mom was irritated when it took me forever to do simple chores, such as dishes or sweeping and she would sometimes just tell me to go and she would finish.  It takes a while to wash dishes when you have to do each one four times.  

Well, that hits the highlights of what it is like for me. There is really so much more to it, but this is as much as I can easily explain in words.  The next post will be about the consequences of not doing things in even numbers.  You see, when the routine gets interrupted, there is a price to pay.  It wreaks all kinds of havoc.  I will gather my thoughts and try to explain next post.

Thanks for reading.