Face of Depression

One thing that is very hard about having depression is the responses I get from people.  For the most part, I keep it all to myself.  I mean, what is the point of going around telling everyone that I have depression? That would actually be very strange.  

Over the years, I have learned to put on my happy mask and get through the days.  I even have friends who tell me they love how I am so cheerful and positive.  They like that I can find humor in all situations.  Truthfully, I do try to do that.  I have to or I will give up completely!  It's not a bad thing to try to find the good in all people and in all situations, right?

But, if I do tell them how I struggle, and have struggled my entire life with fear and sadness, they are stunned.

"You don't look sad."  Is a fairly common response.  "You laugh a lot and seem happy.  If you are depressed, wouldn't you be sad?"

I understand why they are confused.  Yes, I wear my happy mask and I even try to feel happy.  I even have times when I feel pretty okay.  And, I have times when I feel so empty and hopeless that I don't care what happens to me.  I have been this way my entire life and I have learned how to keep going, even if I don't want to.

There is a HUGE difference between being sad and being depressed.  Everyone is sad at times.  Everyone has tragic things happen that throw their life out of whack, and it can be hard to get back to yourself again.  The difference is that you do eventually get yourself back, and can carry on with your life as usual.  It might be changed a bit, because traumatic events will change you, no matter how happy you are. But, true depression doesn't go away.  It is always there.  As I said, there are times that it fades to the background, but it is always there.  

Unless you have depression, there really is no good way to explain it.  I can only say that just because someone acts happy and positive doesn't always mean that they feel that way.  Depression is something I feel I have to hide away.  It is humiliating.  I get embarrassed about it.  I feel as if I am an inferior person because of it.  

I only ask that you be respectful of the feelings of others, and that you accept that you don't understand everything.  Please don't harshly judge others just because you can't relate to what they feel or think. The face of depression isn't always a sad face.