Imaginary World

I have never told anyone about my imaginary world.  I think I knew that I was treading on questionable ground, and I didn't want anyone to think I was absolutely crazy.  Since this blog is for me to be honest with myself, I will dip into this forbidden territory and tell a little about it.

It started when I was fairly young and in school.  I hated school.  I didn't mind the actual school assignments (except math, I struggled HARD at that), but I was terrified all of the time.  I am not and never have been overly intelligent, and I am not even close to what you would call pretty.  Kids being kids, I was teased and made fun of a lot.  In other words, I was bullied and on a daily basis.

I loved to read, and I discovered The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings early on. I know that is where I got the idea about being an other-worldly type of person.  I started out in my pretend world being an elf.  I would imagine being in a whole different world; a world of beauty and a simpler way of life.  I was mysterious, but I was a hero.  I excelled at saving people from the nasty orcs and goblins.  I was wise and gave out wonderful advice.

Over the years, that character has developed into something more.  He (yes, my make believe self is male) became not an elf, but the son of a great king from another dimension.  His race closely resembles the elves, so he was raised with them and could pass as one.  He was sent to this other world on a very specific mission.  I have most of the details of it in my head, but it would involve me writing an actual book to put it all on paper.

I used to retreat to this world when life was too much for me to handle.  Even while at work, I would suddenly realize where I was and that time had passed and I was just sitting at my desk, in a daze.  I had been lost in my world.  It sometimes scared me because my other world seemed so real and I hated it when I had to come back to my actual reality.  So, I learned to control it.  I didn't want anyone to notice.

After I met my husband, I gave up that world for a time.  Life was very busy, and I was much happier and it kept me in the real world.  I had three children, and even though that life was stressful at times, I kept grounded.  When my husband and eldest son were killed in an auto accident, my entire world crashed.  I became lost in my other world more and more often.  I finally quit working altogether.  I still had two children to raise, but it was so hard.  I know they have suffered for my terrible mistakes and my inability to keep working for almost two years after the accident.  We were so broke, and things were very hard.

I was finally able to gain some control and I did go back to work.  I still use my imaginary world to help me go to sleep.  I imagine being this person (he has a name, but I don't want to share it yet) and this person is so wonderful!  I picture him wandering the beautiful forests of my own world, and helping to keep it safe.  It helps me fall to sleep.  It gives me some comfort that my world is right there if I need it again.

I have considered writing a book about his story.  If I had any talent at all, I think it would actually make a decent fantasy novel.  If I do give it a try, I better get started!  I am not getting any younger.